Today I wanted to briefly share my testimony of the journey of learning to love Mother’s Day.
If you’ve read my previous post then you know that I dread Mother’s Day. It is such an agonizing day for me. I struggle with finding the balance between celebrating my own mother(s) in the way they deserve while also nurturing myself through the grief of infertility that Mother’s Day brings to the surface.
This year, about five weeks before the holiday, I came across this blog post by Natasha Metzler over at kindredgrace.com. She shares her experiences and struggles about facing Mother’s Day while infertile, and then shares how through God she turned things around. I was profoundly impacted when she said “God and me, we have this deal: I choose to love Mother’s Day and He works miracles to make it beautiful”. Wow, what a powerful statement!!
I decided then and there to get down on my knees and pray to my father in heaven for my own Mother’s Day miracles, and you know what? It worked. Not instantly of course, not a 100 percent everything was just peachy Mother’s Day, and unfortunately not a positive pregnancy test or adoption match. But he did work miracles in other ways. He brought me peace and comfort, rest from my fears and anguish, and opportunities to lose myself in the service of others. He also blessed me with a profound spiritual experience that gave me the answers to my tearful prayers as to why this is happening to me, what I should do, and why I should do what he asks; why he needs me to do what he has asked.
Right now though I want to share more about the opportunity for service that he blessed me with. Through an account that I follow on Instagram I came across a post advertising a Mother’s Day card exchange for women struggling with infertility. It’s purpose was to ease the pain felt by those with infertility, as they trudge though what is the hardest day of the year for many of us, by sending cards and uplifting messages. We provided our name and mailing address to the host who created different groups for the card exchange of 10 women per group. We were each emailed a list of who we were sending cards to and their addresses, and then given two weeks to purchase and mail out the cards.
What a blessing this experience has been! I was a little worried about how I’d fare going to the store, reading through cards, and then picking out ten different ones to send, but it was actually a pretty fun experience. There were so many beautiful cards with heartfelt messages that had nothing specific to do with having children; what an amazing thing to see. They had gorgeous Mother’s Day cards that just highlighted women in general and shared messages about how they were thought of, cherished, and special. A welcome relief.
Over the next couple of days I prayed for guidance as I chose which card to send to which woman, and what meaningful message I could write her. I felt the spirit so strongly in those moments when I sat down to work on this project. I knew without a doubt in my mind which card each name should receive, and as I would start to write her a note the words would just flow though my mind like an unceasing river of language. I cannot even begin to describe how spiritual, meaningful, and awe-inspiring this experience has been for me. Words just don’t do it the justice it deserves.
Moving forward I will do my best to approach Mother’s Day with love and with the faith that my father in heaven will work miracles to beautify the day. I know that it won’t erase the pain and heartache that I feel as I long to have children, but if this year is any indication, I know it can bring amazing things to pass.